coffee pot posts, collage, Coronavirus Chronicles, More gardening, Slow Food

Saturday Coffee Pot Post

In which I can drink coffee in the afternoon, thank you very much.

The official word is that I will be teleworking from home at least until May 22. I can still go to my office if I really need to, but my employer’s policy is for me to work at home. Right now I don’t see any reason to go in unless I absolutely have to scan something or I lose Internet connection.

I broke through some of my lethargy this week. Susanne and I took a walk last Sunday and I planted “beautiful beans” in the UNCG plot, a local heirloom crowder pea that Pat Bush gave me a couple of years ago that I planted and saved last year. I picked the last of the Rouge d’Hiver lettuce that didn’t begin to bolt in the warm weather.

Gave up on the seed starting totally. Everything is dead now. So I supported a local farmer, John Handler at Weatherhand Farms, and bought Roma, Better Boy, pepper, squash, eggplant, and snapdragon plants from the Greensboro Farmers Curb Market drive through market this morning. They are under the grow light inside for a few days until this polar vortex clears out. Also bought a pound of shrimp from George (NC Seafood) so there will be good eatin’ tonight.

Greg gave me some milkweed seed balls and I planted them on Wednesday in the herb/flower garden in the front.

I finally baked two large sourdough bread loaves from Carol’s starter and it turned out great! It didn’t kill my hands and wrists to knead it either. Next time I will divide this into four small loaves so I can give some away. I don’t have a big enough bowl to make more at one time.

I finished two matching face coverings for Sandy and I. This one has a filter inside and I can breathe through it, or maybe my allergies have gotten a lot better. (See top photo.) Now that I am comfortable with this I will make a few more and definitely play with my sewing machine more. Make some of the pleated styles.

The thing that really picked me up was the day I returned to these collages and finished them. Then I ordered a bunch of wood panels and mats from Dick Blick, along with some acrylic glazing liquid and Yes paste, which Crystal Neubauer recommends for an adhesive that doesn’t make the collage paper curl up, which is my biggest problem. Between her workshop and Melinda Tidwell’s workshop, which I did as a remote group with Triangle Book Arts, I am learning a lot about collage, and also gaining more confidence about not necessarily following the “rules.” Crystal refers to her style as intuitive collage, and I relate to that much more strongly. I am looking forward to mounting some of these collages and making a couple of gallery pages for this site in the next few months.

I cut up “Illustrated Question Box” and made it smaller. Pulled the story together.

The other one is called “100 Doses One Dollar” and I did most of it at the beginning of March. It directly relates to the Covid-19 pandemic and our country’s response to it. The saving grace, I think, was adding three small shark’s teeth that I found at North Topsail Beach several years ago. They look a little like hearts, don’t they? They are deceptive.

Oh, I am angry. Make no mistake about it. But I am moving into acceptance about the things we must do to survive the pandemic, with anger about the people who are misleading citizens, profiteering, destroying our constitutional checks and balances, suppressing votes, and literally killing. There must be anger, and action, and resistance against domestic terrorism and this fascist authoritarian regime.

coffee pot posts, Coronavirus Chronicles, depression/anxiety, fiber art

Saturday Morning Coronavirus Chronicle Chapter

With coffee and hot cocoa mix.

Absolutely had an emotional meltdown last night. Part of my problem is that I am addicted to playing games when I am depressed. It keeps my mind occupied without the overwhelming reality of the world intruding. But it is wreaking havoc on my body – my right arm is burning, my muscles are turning to fat, my hips are begging to get out of bed. I want to sleep more than anything in the world now. Even if I was one of those lucky people (cue my husband) who can fall asleep as soon as they close their eyes, my body is preventing it because it is in pain.

After this blog post, which I’ve promised myself to write at least once a week, I am going to try to go offline and no games or e-books for two days. I’ll allow myself TV, but no news.

It is going to be a beautiful weekend outside and I am going to get out in the fresh air and put my hands in the dirt. I do have to be careful because this is the danger time each year when I get so happy in the garden that I overdo and really hurt myself. I don’t have my massage therapy available, although I could still go to a chiropractor. I transferred my sad little seedlings to pots mid-week, only to find them dug up by squirrels. Guess I will be buying my tomato and pepper plants this year, other than the volunteers that I found in the garden.

I am also going to drive someplace new and walk. Sandy wants to walk too, but he is having some kind of painful ankle issue. We have been walking around the block once a day. One of my neighbors built a little free library which she and her neighbor also stock with a few food items. We have enjoyed some good conversations with our neighbors on the other side of our block.

I made a prototype mask last week that worked pretty well. It has a pocket for an extra filter, and I found a pack of cheap masks in my art supplies so pulled the elastic off for other masks and tucked one in. I found that I couldn’t breathe well enough with the filter in though, maybe for a few minutes but after that I’d be in danger of passing out. Allergies, I guess. So I took it back out. I made the patterns for the next ones longer so that they will cover the chin more, and have room for Sandy’s beard.

That forked stick I am holding is one on which I’ve been weaving shells with holes in them. I’m calling it my magic stick.

The elastic for this one is a long hair band that never worked well for holding back my hair. I’m glad I kept them anyway with the shortage of elastic! It measured 19 inches and the instructions called for 11 inches on each side. No problem – a safety pin took care of it.

As for the rigid heddle weaving, it is too painful for my hands/arms right now so I am not going to finish the wedge weave. Sometimes you got to know when to quit. I am sick of those colors anyway.

I think it is time to get back to doing collage. Probably it is the easiest on my hands, since I have a lot of pieces already cut and torn up.

“Bridge of Sighs” by Richard Russo is a wonderful book.

It looks like I might be returning to work on May 8. Sandy says this is too soon, but in my circumstances I think it will be okay, and maybe better for my state of mind. I have my own office, and all the summer classes are online. Hardly anybody is in the building. I am tempted to take some vacation time later anyway if Lake Waccamaw opens to non-residents, and go down and do art at the lake house for a week. The problem would be getting someone to feed our cats for that long. Sandy does not want to try to take them with us. I think it would be okay. They would be too freaked out to try to escape.

Still longing for Ireland. Sandy says, think of all the good things you have here. That is true. I am lucky. I still long for Ireland. Travel in general, really. The anticipation of it has been my saving grace for almost twenty years now. Thinking of the awful circumstances of other people only worsens my depression – it is not a suffering contest and if it is I don’t want to win it.

coffee pot posts, Coronavirus Chronicles, Reading, weaving

Saturday morning coffee pot post

Scenes from my front garden:

This Virginia Creeper vine grabbed one of my rocks from my collection atop this low wall a couple of years ago and it is still hanging onto it. Those are some strong tendrils!

I washed and ironed fabric to make masks with earlier this week, and hauled out Mama’s Singer, but before I could get to it my left wrist suddenly hurt so bad it felt like it was broken. After babying it for a day it got much better, then my right hand started hurting, although not nearly as bad. So I walked to my office, and worked there for several hours, and brought home my ergonomic keyboard. Much better. Yesterday I went back to my office for half a day. I get so much more done there, and hardly anyone is in the building. It is locked and you have to be on a list and swipe an ID card to get in. I will go back Monday morning, and haul that keyboard back and forth in my backpack.

This week and next is my crunch time at work, and it has always been so, but some deadlines actually got moved UP so it is even more stressful as I try to keep up with new processes, policies, and software.

I was in a Zoom meeting yesterday where the person talking referred to “hair on fire” moments. What a great description of how I am feeling sometimes!

The walk to work is always nice. This is the iris patch that I got my iris tubers from. They tilled it up a few years ago and some pieces were on the sidewalk, so I nabbed them. I like that the vetch and cleavers are surrounding it.

The herb garden is doing well. Those pots will eventually have peppers in them. My seedlings are still not growing so I will transfer them to the greenhouse at some point this weekend and start some more seeds.

Let’s see, what else. Reading “Bridge of Sighs” by Richard Russo, one of my favorite writers. On my library app is “Swamplandia,” which I feel meh about so far, and “The Essex Serpent.”

On TV, the most recent season of “Better Call Saul” was excellent. I am watching “Star Trek Picard” until my CBS All Access subscription is over. Turns out I was paying for it twice, and it has been so confusing that I just cut off the auto-renewal for both of the accounts. We should buy an antenna.

Really, there is SO much good TV on that I am overwhelmed with the choices and go back to my books, where I have always found comfort.

Every April I have anxiety attacks and I used to beg my mother not to schedule our big family reunion at the end of April but she did it anyway. Usually I go to the lake for Easter weekend and get some water therapy there. Only residents are allowed there right now, and I can’t blame them. I miss my sister. Most days I am functioning fine, but some nights I cry and don’t sleep. Once I get through this month, I know I will feel better, even without my normal travel to look forward to.

Sandy went to the doctor’s office for a diabetes check and he said that there was nobody there except a few staff members and his physician’s assistant. We have been walking more.

Before the hand issues, I had started playing with wedge weave on the rigid heddle loom. I think that I will only do two rows, though. Not super into it.

Back Forty, coffee pot posts, Coronavirus Chronicles

Saturday morning-slash-afternoon coffee pot post

Equal Exchange Mind, Body, and Soul. Whole bean coffee. Deep Roots Market volunteers shopped for me today, and I got almost all I needed: mostly a lot of fresh produce and dairy. I was going to get delivery, but driving the car a mile away seems like a pleasure trip now so we picked it up curbside. Co-operatives rock, when they work for their owners, as ours is now doing that as hard as it can! We are good on most supplies, having prepped for possible disaster long ago, and we did a Costco delivery for the things I couldn’t get at Deep Roots a couple of weeks ago. Our freezers and pantry are mostly full, but we were nearly out of fresh food.

I read back through my posts for the last few weeks and they are really boring. Even I couldn’t get through some of them. The main purpose here is to sweep out my brain, though.

Work cranked up big time this week and I’ve had plenty to do. My ergonomic situation and inability to get massage therapy requires that I take a lot of long breaks. My original plan was to strictly separate my work hours and my off hours, like I do normally. However, I am considering catching up on some work this weekend, since I sent out a buttload of emails yesterday that are drawing responses today. I did not go to the office to get my chair. I suspect that I am sliding into agoraphobia again so Sandy and I took a walk around the neighborhood yesterday evening. It felt good, and I will do more of it. Let’s see if I can muster up the will to go get my chair.

My seed starting indoors has been very, very disappointing. I obviously am doing something wrong. The only seedlings that are doing well are the one luffa gourd seedling and the cucumbers. I think that part of the problem is that I am not watering from below like I did before. I just cut down the big new seedling tray so that it fits better into the tray below and am beginning to do that. As soon as the few tomato and pepper seedlings that are growing get their second set of true leaves, I am going to transplant them into larger containers.

There were a couple of evenings this week when I couldn’t get my mind off regrets, and my anger at the idiots who continue to destroy this democracy. It seems that this virus might take out some of the most stubborn reality deniers, with their insistence that a certain percentage of deaths is okay and that the most important thing is for them to go and do whatever they please. The problem is that they are going to take a lot of innocent people with them. This bit about older and the most vulnerable being expendable is horrifying and I feel like we are moving closer to Nazi America every day.

Which is why I want to stay home where I feel safe.

My refunds for my Ireland trip and book workshop/anniversary weekend at Topsail Beach are rolling in bit by bit. I paid for much of my travel ahead of time this year – took it out of my savings. So it is going back to the money market account in the hope that I will repay it and go back to Ireland next year. I just emailed with Lora at Essence of Mulranny Studio and she is putting the non-refundable deposit down for a mixed media encaustic workshop in late May/early June. A few refunds are still outstanding – some from Hotels.com and I have not canceled my plane ticket yet because it was through Orbitz and they are asking to wait until closer to the flight times. I think that my flight insurance will cover the plane tickets because I bought it separately through Orbitz at the same time that I booked the flight. Or maybe I will be able to rebook for next year without losing much. We will see, I guess. Boy do I hate to give up that sweet round trip deal – altogether it is about $700. May is a beautiful time in Ireland with the wildflowers in bloom – however, I have not been there any other time of year, so my bet is that anytime in Ireland is beautiful.

This has raised my spirits. Investing in the idea that I might be able to return.

My other planned trip this year is to the Handweavers Guild of America Convergence in Knoxville, Tennessee in late July. I am registered for two tapestry workshops with Tommye Scanlin and Molly Elkind. I made a hotel reservation but I didn’t pay for it. I expect that Convergence will probably be canceled and that I will get a partial refund. That decision will be made soon, and in a way I hope that it will be canceled and it will be settled, even though I will be sad about the missed workshops. Our tapestry guild is heavily involved in this Convergence. Also, it is in driving distance for a change which is nice. Sandy is going to go with me if it happens. The government of Tennessee hasn’t been very responsible about stay-at-home orders, so they may have a late spike, and that is why I am pretty much already over it.

Which leaves the Dan Essig workshop at the beginning of August at Leslie Marsh’s studio in Topsail Beach. I am resigned to the idea that it too may be canceled. Hopefully Lake Waccamaw will open up to non-residents by mid-summer and we will be able to go to the lake house and see my sister for a while. I miss her.

We got the stimulus direct deposit and I immediately used all mine to pay for Diego’s dental bill. It is gone! Boy, I was glad to get it, considering so many people have not.

Now. I can’t believe that I have gone back to this post since this morning and edited and now it is 3:00 p.m.! The whole day has gone pffft!!! It amazes me the way time moves during this time. I thought it would move so slowly, but for me, it is gone in a flash.

Books: Finished The Tiger’s Wife and The Secret Chord this week. Geraldine Brooks and Annie Proulx have to write more fiction because I have read all their novels and short stories. I will look for Inland by Téa Obreht. I also need to pull my RSV Bible off the shelf and reread Kings to refresh my memory about what the Old Testament says about David. What a bloody history!

Which book shall I start next? I have so many!

Diego: his last visit went well, and they did not have to take out his stitches.

I think that I will use the last of the warp on my rigid heddle loom to play with wedge weave. Seems like a rigid heddle is perfect for packing down the wefts on an angle. Photos later.

Coronavirus Chronicles, depression/anxiety, weaving

Yesterday

Earlier in the day I started over on the Macomber loom with the warps that I had not cut the cross on. I have enough to do another set of curtains, and I spent SO MUCH time winding that warp that I can't stand to see it go to waste. Besides, I am not in any hurry and I could use another straightforward pattern weaving project. I promise myself that I will never ever wind a warp this long again.

I had originally started tying this warp to the old warp so I wouldn't have to rethread, but the knots were not being cooperative as they were pulled through the reed and the heddles. I decided that it would be less of a pain to just rethread the whole thing.

And it will be something that I will have to concentrate on without thinking about other stuff.

Ready to finish up that collage video workshop now.

Allergies seem better today.

Later I spent several hours in my bedroom, door closed, dealing with the emotions that bubbled up as I missed my mother, then I started grieving for the situation as it stands now. My husband is driving me a little crazy at this point. He means well but I am used to having more solitude and not having my reading or writing or art making interrupted so often. Thus I finally closed my bedroom door after snapping at him. He has never understood how to deal with my depression, or with my grief. After my mother died was THE WORST. He was just awful. I finally ended up going to the lake house by myself for several days. I was so angry! I suppose that is what is starting up now. I will have to get out into the garden and pull some weeds. That is always good therapy for me.

I was meant to be a hermit, I think. The other day I told someone that if this had happened when I was a teenager living with my parents, I would have been out in the woods all the time. Probably riding the roads on my bike or in my old car too – we didn't have much to do where I came from. I had my secret places where I would take my journal, my sketchbook, and a pack of cigarettes. Multiple hideouts that I built out of logs and mud or scrap lumber that I found. One of the best was in an old schoolhouse back in the woods. Someone used it store hay in at one time and it was probably full of mice and rats but I never saw any. It burned down when I was an adult and I remembered all the teenagers who used to smoke in there around that old hay and I was sad but not surprised. Another was at Page's Mill Pond in Lake View, South Carolina. I would slip under the barrier that said no trespassing, DANGER, and sit on top of the dam out of sight of everyone. I was so invincible.