Sunday sweep

I’m writing this afternoon from a present that Santa brought early, a new all-in-one desktop computer with a 24″ monitor. I hope that this will help with my physical issues that I got working on my laptop, but mainly I wanted a computer that I can use as personal device. I was never comfortable, for various reasons, using my other devices to blog. In the last few days I went on a wild (for me) shopping spree. I’m pretty sure it was a dopamine enhancer, since I’m trying to drink a lot less. I have enough food in the house to hole up for weeks. Somebody needs to stop me from going to Costco.

And it took a while to figure out where to find the classic option for the paragraph block again. I wish that WordPress wouldn’t make this so hard for those of us who were just fine with the typical Word format instead of blocks. It has made me seriously consider moving over to Substack, where I already created an account. If I ever decide to archive this one, I’ll leave a post at the top where to find me.

It is a sad, sad holiday season. I’m expecting a call at any time that my brother has passed away. He is suffering and just started morphine, so I hope it is helping him and that he leaves us soon. Technically he is my brother-in-law, but in my heart (and Sandy’s heart) he is our brother. I last saw him on Sunday, when we exchanged a long hug and he said that this might be the last time he ever saw me. He wrote me a sweet email on Monday morning. He wrote his last Facebook post early Wednesday morning, bitching about politics as usual! Ah, he is a great liberal activist and writer. He was one of the original Moral Monday protesters that got arrested. And he is a poet, which not many people know.

Thank god I am not depressed right now, although my therapist is calling me on Monday to check on me. She has helped me so much. But I am grieving and think about him and what he is going through and what my sister is going through and what her grief feels like and what is happening now that I’m not witnessing nearly constantly. Their daughter and grandson are there now and the Hospice nurse was of help and I hope that my sister is getting some rest. And that she will call me as soon as she needs me, but I’m letting her make this decision. I remember that Daddy was very particular about who he wanted to see him in his last days.

And it is bringing up all those terrible memories of my father’s illness and death from colon cancer. He was a stubborn man, and lived much longer than he should have. It was a real life nightmare, one that I’ve never gotten over, although I’ve tried in many ways.

I have got to work on getting these tapestries ready for this show. I keep saying that but I can’t seem to get going on it again. I also need to bring home my stuff from the print studio, but I keep procrastinating on that as well. So I guess I better git.