I haven’t written since I cut Cathedral off the loom. I haven’t done anything to it yet either – just put it in my backpack where the cats can’t get to it. It’s quite amazing how many likes and follows I got from the video (“reel”) I posted on Instagram. They are still coming in and I wonder how this happens. I started weaving the O tapestry, although I’ve been pretty worthless art-wise the past couple of weeks.
Last weekend I had headaches all weekend, then on Sunday, I went to the flea market at the farmers’ market, went to a street festival that I didn’t want to go to, had a panic attack in the middle of a book reading (my guess is that previously being in the crowd outside triggered it), and ended up not going to my studio at the arts center for the second week in a row.
I picked up a few cool things at the flea market – another wooden box, a small vase that matched an heirloom tea set that I gave to my niece, and an old Nancy Drew book for a dollar that I plan to deconstruct and reuse in collage. I was looking for a cheap old electric frying pan or griddle that I could use for encaustic, but had no luck with that.
Occasionally I look at a video for one of the many online classes that I paid for and never finished. Turns out that getting the supplies for encaustic, even though I have a few of them, is quite expensive. So I may let that go until later and shop at secondhand stores for a while to gather them.
I’ve been able to watch more TV. I know that sounds like NOT a big deal at all, but it has been a big part of my problem that I have not been able to focus on videos or TV shows or movies. I still don’t sit in front of the TV and the most I’ve been able to do was two hours one night, but it’s nice to have shows to watch with Sandy. He can binge and I cannot. I still can’t get through an entire movie.
I bought some new clothes and new glasses – a very bright blue pair that I’m quite pleased with.
Work has been quiet other than entering the class schedule and the occasional question in hiring or student process. This is the season when I am usually waiting for others to send me stuff so that I can move on with what I need to do. I usually take off on vacation in mid-September as these items are trickling in, but this September I am not taking off until this coming week, when I’m going to the lake and cat-sitting my feline niece and nephew and possibly getting the house ready for a hurricane hit. I plan to take the two weavings and the book that I’ve been working on.
For the most part I have been bored. I’m trying to be okay with being bored sometimes – flipping the switch to being alone with my thoughts instead of feeling that I have to fill my brain with something. Turns out that this is very, very, very difficult for me, and it is one reason I have a hard time falling asleep. I am absolutely bored at work. So, so bored. I don’t think I could be returned to being a worker willing to go the extra mile the way that I was for a very long time.
Listening to Radio Paradise on the Internet has helped me get through it. I have been surprised at what I’ve learned of famous musicians that I like that I’ve never connected the names with the music. Lots of Americana. Suzanne Vega. Beck. Coldplay. Even Led Zeppelin. Turns out I love Led Zeppelin now but in the 70s I couldn’t care less about them. So many artists who are new to me, often because I heard their music but didn’t know their names. I spent the 90s and 00s listening to public radio and lots of new age and classic rock and certain singers like Lyle Lovett and kd lang. In a way this makes me feel old, but then again, I’ve not able to keep up with popular music since the 70s when I was growing up.
I think a lot about retirement, and what I might do to make some money for fun stuff, and what part time or temp jobs I might apply for. I don’t think that I will stop working. This has calmed me down, which surprises me, but we’ll see if that lasts once I grind into the last few months of my job.
My neighbors have supplied me with five gallons of black walnuts in the hulls, which I’ve stashed in the freezer. There will be more. I’m considering making ink for sale, as well as using them for natural dye pots, of course. I bought a course on making organic inks over two years ago at the beginning of the pandemic, when it seemed that I’d have all the mental energy in the world to LEARN ALL THE THINGS. I don’t think I looked at one lesson and don’t know if I can even find it again.
Now I am stopping for brunch, and I think I will head over to the arts center. The weather is breezy and beautiful. I discovered a great combination for a sandwich – almond butter and spicy red pepper jelly. I’m reading “Telegraph Avenue” and the “Oxford History of Britain.” I want to understand the history of my ancestry, and unlike some people, I’m not afraid of looking at the ugly parts that make me uncomfortable. And boy, do I come from oppressors – I often look in the mirror and notice the genetics of a predator race reflected back at me. There’s no guilt here. Just awareness and a desire to make the world a better place.
slowly she turned 