depression/anxiety, old couple, Reading

Thinking ahead

Now that I seem to be out of my depression hole, I’m capable of thinking more clearly of what’s ahead of me without shutting down. That’s great timing, because I am very sad about my brother-in-law’s change in prognosis. I’m angry at the world in general. I’m frustrated with the bureaucracy at work and its dependence on systems that don’t work for every problem and certainly don’t provide the efficiency that they claimed they would. I’m disappointed in my own change of life plans. But, all those emotions are different from being depressed. I think that only someone who has experienced depression understand that. I hope that I stay well away from the rim of the hole, but I don’t seem to have a lot of choice in the matter.

We’ll head down to the lake this weekend and I’ll visit with my family. A few friends are coming with us who all need some LW healing. If the weather cooperates, I am going to coerce these people into making cyanotypes from objects found on site and then I’ll make an accordion book with the prints.

Artist residencies are on my mind, which means that some time soon I’ll need to do a re-haul of the website here and make it more art oriented with my gallery at the forefront in order to have it more professional looking for applications. I won’t get rid of the blog…but it may not be on the front page. I’ve got more ideas for books than I have brain space for, and honestly, I don’t see how I’ll be able to work full-time and get the best ideas underway. I can’t focus when I get home at night.

I noticed that a business that I used to work temp projects for is still in business and is now doing all remote work. I was good at my job there and was offered a promotion during my last project for them about 17 years ago, but I didn’t accept it because it was a sick building. It was always difficult for me to finish a project because I would get migraines and my back throbbed from sitting on folding chairs at tables. It amazed me that they kept hiring me back but like I said, I had a real knack for the work, which was grading writing competency tests for state public school systems. So I will definitely look into working temp jobs for them again if they remain remote after I retire. Then I could take my job anywhere, and would have most of the year off.

My plan is to put off taking Social Security as long as possible and just live off my pension and 403B savings if necessary. We have no debt (knock wood) so at this point it might work. I’ve lived poor before – it won’t be a big shock. Sandy has been able to pay his part of the bills and save his Social Security and invest it instead of spending it. The hard part will be that the cats are reaching the age when they will probably need a lot more medical care. I will be able to keep my insurance at the same rate I am paying now until I am 65 and Sandy is on Medicare. Even though our cars are old, we don’t really need two cars any more. If we needed a second car after one of them dies from old age, we could rent as needed.

So my retirement plan is still on for June 1, 2023 – maybe pushed out to July. I’m no longer fixated on emigration, but we’ll travel as much as we can afford. I’m doing the airline points collecting again, and in the US we’ll take the train and drive as much as we can. It’s nice to have that to look forward to.

Now that the Infrastructure Act has passed, I might add a couple of solar panels to our array. The twelve rooftops panels that we have now almost cover our electrical needs, but not quite.

Reading: I finished The Shipping News and The Midnight Library this week. I think that both of these books significantly affected my mood.

Also affecting my mood: Ted Lasso. I am in love with this show. We are still watching The Last Kingdom, you know, the show about my grandparents. LOL. I’ll have to name our next tomcat Uhtred.

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