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Happy 2011 and Your Questions Answered

I don’t really care about stats and links anymore, but I love to check Sitemeter to see where people are visiting from and where they are referred from and what search terms they use to get to my blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time and might make this a regular feature:

YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

What to do with lettuce turned to seed:
Put a paper bag over the seed head and shake off the seed. Separate the seeds from the flowers or don’t, but do keep them dry. Plant in the next season and hope that the ants don’t carry them all off. Sprinkling corn meal might take care of the ants. Do it before you plant the seeds.

directions to abandond town of mortimer:
Here’s a good source of information. It’s been a long time since I have camped at Mortimer Campground. It looks like it has been much improved since then. Showers and flush toilets! Maybe we’ll have to go back for a weekend this summer.

can you get to tubbs inlet at sunset beach:
Yes. Turn left at the pier and keep going until you can’t drive any farther.

where can I find raw milk in Greensboro:
Good luck. It’s illegal for human consumption in North Carolina. My source (with my cowshare in Virginia) disappeared. Snow Creek Family Farm might be able to provide you with raw milk for pet use only. They are usually at the Greensboro Farmers’ Curb Market on Saturdays but may not be there this winter.

handsome talented no girlfriend:
I refer you to my nephew Seth.

end stage CRF; feline chronic renal failure:
I’m so sorry. I get so many searches for this – nearly one or two per day and it breaks my heart. See your vet. Subcu fluids and food supplements will help. There is no cure. Give your kitty lots of love and care and he or she might have good quality of life for a while yet. Don’t ignore the early symptoms if you can help it. We hope to keep 17 year old Miss Jazz with us for another year or two, and she is doing well. I lost Squirt early because I was too depressed to acknowledge his illness until he was well into the end stages of the disease.

slowly i turned script:
A standard vaudeville routine. People have seen it by Abbott and Costello, the Three Stooges, and I Love Lucy. Here’s the Abbott and Costello script from http://www.clown-ministry.com/

“Bud, Lou and derelict in cell:

Derelict: I haven’t always been a derelict … (looks at Lou) … like you.

Lou Costello: Don’t call me those kind of bad names!

Derelict: Would you like to hear my story?

Lou Costello: No

Derelict: Very well, then I’ll tell it to you

Bud Abbott: Go ahead

Derelict: (to Bud) Thank you … many years ago my father gave me the benefit of a very good education (sad music playing) … then .. I met her. She was beautiful … glorious. We were married. two years later – a baby boy. I haven’t seen that boy till this very day.

Lou Costello: Did you say a little baby boy?

Derelict: Yes!

Lou Costello: Did he have brown eyes?

Derelict: Yes he did!

Lou Costello: And two little teeth in the front?

Derelict: (Excitedly) Yes, yes!

Lou Costello: And black hair?

Derelict: Yes!

Lou Costello: Daddy!

(derelict pushes Lou away)

Bud Abbott: Oh what’s the matter with you? Sit still! Keep quiet. Stop interupting the man!

Lou Costello: Well, I thought I found my father!

Bud Abbott: Quiet! (turns to derelict) – go ahead.

Derelict: Thank you. We were very happy, my little family. One morning we were seated around the breakfast table and a knock came at the door. There stood a man. He was broken in health and spirit. I bade him enter, I welcomed him into my home. I said ‘make my home your home’…and he did! One day I returned from work to find that home was no longer a home. My wife … the baby… and the stranger had fled. Then one day … at the banks of the Poko Moko I found them. Suddenly my brain snapped. All the years of pent up emotion of years suffering welled up within me. I knew I would never be satisfied until I had my bony fingers wrapped around his throat. So with murder in my heart … slooooooowly I turned (acting this out as he speaks, focusing on Lou), step by step, step by step I crept upon him (creeping towards Lou) and when I saw the stare in his face … I struck and I grabbed him (Grabs Lou and starts pushing him against the wall and shouting at him)

Bud Abbott: What’s the matter? Why are you interupting the man for?

Derelict: My poor friend, I’m sorry. But everytime I hear the word Poko Moko, I just want to kill!

Lou Costello: Take it easy pal, take it easy!

Bud Abbott: See, everytime he hears that word: ‘Poko Moko’

Derelict: Poko Moko!!!! OOhh, I knew I’d never be satisfied until I had his blood running between my fingers…so slowly I turned (does action) step by step, step by step I crept upon him – and when I saw the streak on his countenance I grabbed him and I couldn’t help myself (throws Lou against the wall and begins beating him up) and I was going out my mind (calms down, breathless)

Lou Costello: (takes an exaggerated boxing stance)

Bud Abbott: Stand still! What’s the matter with you? The man’s telling you his life’s history. It’s interesting.

Derelict: My poor friend! I did it again didn’t I?

Bud Abbott: It’s alright, it’s alright

Derelict: What’s happening to me?

Lou Costello: It’s not happening to you brother, it’s all happening over here!

Bud Abbott: Just … don’t use that word ….

Lou Costello: Don’t … don’t … don’t … don’t. He means “Pocahontas!”

Derelict: (reacts for a second)

Lou Costello: (stopping him) Pocahontas!!

Bud Abbott: Yes, it’s alright

Lou Costello: Sounds like Coko Moko or something

Bud Abbott: Shhh!

Derelict: Poko Moko! BBBRRRRRR…So slowly I turned! Step by step, step by step (Lou calls out for Bud in a quiet voice) … and when I crept upon him … I grabbed him and (again beats Lou and repeatedly slams him into the wall, then throws him across the cell to the other wall knocking his hat off)

Bud Abbott: (angrily to derelect) Just a minute … just a minute! Now you’ve been getting away with murder. Enough is enough. You understand that? I’ve stood by and watched all this! And I’ve let you get away with it … but no more! (bends down and picks up Lou’s hat) – These things cost money. Be careful how you handle them!”

Happy 2011!

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