It has been a stressful week, but for the most part it has been good stress. I am psyched up and excited about the future. I haven’t had a panic attack, though, which is very encouraging since I have been super-wired and sleep-deprived because of hormones all week. In fact, I haven’t had a panic attack in, gosh, over two years, I think? Maybe my chemistry has straightened out. I have actually had dreams that are the exact opposite of my recurring anxiety dreams. In these dreams, everything’s chill, no hurry, all under control and we relax and enjoy ourselves.

Donna emailed me and asked if I wanted to be on the board of Friends of the Greensboro Farmers’ Curb Market, and I said yes. Sounds like my first meeting will be Monday night. I don’t really know what is involved with being on the board, but it is a way for me to contribute to the local food movement here.

Thursday I met with Betsy at Artmongerz and talked about joining their artists’ co-op. The bad news is that our discussion was very confusing for both of us at first. She was expecting big woven wall hangings, and I brought in a box of little pieces, mainly books. Then she asked me questions which I couldn’t answer to her satisfaction and I didn’t understand why she didn’t understand my answers. It must have been me, though, because Paul, the other artist there, didn’t understand me either. That really discombobulated me. Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I realize that they didn’t know that the books WERE the art, not to be filled with my “other” art. I do plan to do that one day, especially with woodcuts, but for the most part I want to concentrate on structure and papermaking. Anyway, it is possible that they are not interested in my books, which would be a dealbreaker. I made it clear that books are my passion and my current direction. They really liked my labyrinth tapestry and the lemon embroidery, but those pieces take a lot of time to make. I plan to weave more tapestry – in fact I have a great design now waiting to be started, and three in progress. But I can’t just whip them out.

The good news is that I can afford it, and I think that I will get along great with the artists that I’ve met so far. She really wanted me to have art to hang on the wall, and so I can frame some woodcuts, and I have a couple more woodcuts in progress now. She liked my monoprints that I made in Washington too. I really took them along to show my handmade paper, and what I could do with it. In fact, one mistake I made was that I meant to show her my intentions and my abilities, rather than what I have to sell now. It’s just that I’m moving quickly into other directions, and I have given away and sold a lot of my work and not had a chance to replenish. I’m focused on my future.

Anyway, now I am anxiously waiting for an email or call with the verdict. If they welcome me, I will be very happy but will have to spend more time in the studio, here and there, and not let migraines or exhaustion stop me for long. I will have to put up fresh work each month, which will be very good for me. If they turn me down, I will have to remind myself very firmly that it is probably a matter of fitting in with their vision rather than my talent. I’ll probably need some hugs and confidence building. Then I’ll pick myself back up and remember that it is all probably a part of the scheme of my life. Maybe I am meant to pay my car off this year instead. Maybe selling my art will be too stressful for me and the universe is protecting me from what I don’t know.

I wove all week long and washed and dried the fabric last night. The texture and color is fabulous! I have a towel/breadcloth, a long table runner, and a little sampler (shown below on the loom) that I think will become a book cover. Today I started measuring off another long striped warp for the Baby Wolf 4 harness loom, this time more random with stripes based on the Fibonacci sequence. If I get into the gallery, I plan to take my small 8 harness loom there, so I’ll need to design something for it.

I took a couple of oil paintings from five years ago to a local frame shop this afternoon, and an old friend who does framing on the side will get the next job of the woodcuts and embroidery and whatever else he is willing and able to do.

woven sampling on the loom